How often do you tell yourself you can’t get out of a situation because you have no choice? Here are some examples:
- “I can’t leave my job, because I wouldn’t have health care without it.”
- “I can’t leave this relationship, because my children would be negatively impacted by a divorce.”
- “I can’t say no to that request, because the person who asked me would be mad at me if I said no.”
Saying “I can’t” does two things:
- It puts you in victim mode. All of a sudden, you are a victim of your circumstances. You don’t make things happen, things happen TO you.
- Your ability to create your life the way you want is hampered. You can’t see other options because you believe there ARE no other options.
Try saying, “I won’t” instead of “I can’t” and see what happens.
“I won’t leave this job, because I wouldn’t have health care without it.” Do you see how now it’s a choice? Have you looked for other jobs? You might be surprised what happens once you open yourself up to the possibility that there might be a better job out there for you that also has great health insurance! When you say “won’t” instead of “can’t”, you are taking responsibility for your choices because they ARE.YOUR.CHOICES. You can always say, “I won’t take another job UNTIL I have one that has health insurance” and energetically, that starts the ball rolling on finding another job.
I was recently in a situation where I thought I had no choice. I thought I had to put up with someone’s moods regardless of the impact on me. Once I decided that I WON’T put up with certain behavior, options started opening up. I am now in a better situation because I changed “I can’t” in to “I won’t.” It’s very empowering.
Start paying attention to when you say “I can’t” and reframe it as “I won’t.” If you’re an adult, you always have a choice. Always.